When we communicate with each other, we do so on two levels. The first and the one we are most aware of is at the social level. This is represented by the words we use and the surface level request for, or provision of, information. The second is at the psychological level. The psychological level of communication is the unspoken thoughts or feelings driving the contribution to the dialogue.

Take for example the following exchange between a two people: “Where’s that report I asked for?”, “Its on your desk where you left it”. Though this could be a neutral exchange of information at the social level, at the psychological level, another conversation could be going on. If we could write it down it might go something like this: “Once again you have let me down, you’re so incompetent!”, “Who the hell are you to judge me?, I did my job just fine you old fool, you’re always judging me!” Now here’s the thing, what happens next is always dependant on the outcome of the psychological conversation, not the social one. If we listen and respond at the psychological level we are always more likely to be able to influence others, to find ways through conflict and ultimately get more of what we want. Try this in the next conversation you have: Instead of listening just to the words, listen to the tone; listen with your eyes as well as your ears; ask yourself, what’s really going on? What’s not being said? Then be brave and try and bring the psychological conversation to the surface, you’ll be amazed by the results.

Ingenious Performance is a small organisation with a big impact. We are specialists in high performance workplace behaviour and are passionate about delivering extraordinary results for our clients. We believe that talent is overrated and ordinary people mastering exceptional things are what drive organisational success.

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